I grew up with an angry father. Maybe that's an understatement. I grew up with a violent, mad, selfish, controlling, depressed, abusive, belligerent, father. In fact, most of my childhood memories involve him either fighting a friends parent or throwing some thing across the dinner table. There was the time he hit my mother. I remember watching out the front window as he was put in the back of a police car; hands behind his back, face down while the officer pushed him inside the cab. Or there was the time he locked himself inside our garage. His truck stereo blaring, pedal down, trying to kill himself while his family sat on the other side of the living room wall. Other times I remember putting on ten pairs of my Scooby Doo underwear to protect my backside from his belt lashes. Never ask a question, those were for mom. "Don't bother me, I'm watching the game" was a common phrase. This was my father. This is my father.
What a contrast between OUR heavenly Father. The difference couldn't be more black and white. However, the difference didn't seem so different for me for most of my life. I subconsciously viewed God in the same manner I grew up viewing my dad. When I prayed I viewed God as a vengeful angry man with the word "NO" resting on the tip of his lips. Condemnation must have been his middle name, and defiance was mine. How messed up is that? The God who loves us so much that He would give His own Son to bare suffering for our sins. The same God who allows me to come before Him- the creator of everything! This concept had completely skewed my view of prayer for most of my life. This in turn caused me to blame the consequences from my sin and actions on God; in the same manner I was blaming my broken childhood on my father. I wish the word "excuse" could permanently be deleted from my vocabulary. For my actions rest with me. It took time to realize God was there with me the whole time. He was up above cringing and crying with each bad decision I made. I can picture Him saying "Matthew, I didn't create you for this. I created you to be a ROCK, faithful and steady. I love you...It's okay".
This made me think. How many children are in bondage today with a skewed perception of who God really is? All because they have a dead-beat dad. What a painful thought. Hundreds?Thousands? No, millions. May God rescue them and revel His true nature to them. My hope is that he uses all of me to set them free through Him. To show them through truth and love. To led them to deliverance through their true Father. I wish I could hug each of them and cry for them. Tell them they are loved and that there is someone above who really DOES love them. Who loves them more than they can imagine. God says imagine. Imagine what we think He can do- and HE WILL DO MORE! I imagine Him rescuing all these children from their abusive fathers, and showing them HIS fatherly compassion and love. I imagine Him making these children cycle-breakers, and legacy-makers.
