The last few weeks have been rough. Not in a sense that my life has been generally difficult as of late, but more that God is molding me into who he wants me to be. And as children experience growing pains, us too, as Christians experience growing pains. As a damaged car with scratches and dents needs buffed, repainted, and fixed to return to the beauty in which it was first created, so do we. God wants to make us lovely just as He sees us. So, in this season, God has given me some recent revelation regarding my struggles. I have been so consumed with the "future" and not the "now". In more definition, I'm more concerned with what I see myself, my ministry, my employment, and overall life looking like down the road, and less concerned with what "I" should like like as a person- more specifically as a follower of Christ. There are two primary problems with this: One, if I'm more concentrated on my future plans and lacking preparation of my own personal character, then none of those plans will come to fruition. How come? Because I will not be the person I need to be to fulfill those plans. Essentially, God will not be able to do the work he wants to do in me "now", when I'm more concerned with the "then". Second, this way of thinking is straight-up prideful! It is filled with self-will and not God's will. And, as the late author and missionary to his own country of China, Watchman Nee, states "The greatest demand in the bible is being in submission to God's will". This is exemplified in the story of Saul and the Amalekites (1 Sam. 15:1-3, 7-9, 14-15). God commanded Saul to destroy the Amalekites and everything they had. Saul took the Amalekites, yet he saved the best sheep, oxen, and all that was good, hoping to save them to use as sacrifices to the Lord. God was utterly displeased and sent Samuel to rebuke him. Samuel said "to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed, than the fat of rams" (1 Sam. 15:22). See, sacrifice to God is good, yet it includes the possibility of involving our self-will. Only in heeding and obeying is there an absolute honoring of God and exaltation of His will. We all must remain diligent to adhere to God's will and not our own. Thus, by keeping our focus on the future,we are not continuelly seeking Gods provision for us. He holds the future in his hands, not ours. We seek him, and he leads the way.
Lastly, I want to leave off with a conversation with my mentor yesterday- that eventually led to weeping (Praise God for Godly men who love me enough to share the truth; even when its hard. I like to call our relationship "Teachability 101"). I had the opportunity to fly back to Phoenix yesterday for a few weeks. I would have gone if Michelle hadn't given me her divine wisdom after conviction and prayer. She knew I would miss out on enormous blessing and breakthrough if I failed to weather the storm. However, the fact that I had even considered flying home clearly indicated the truth to Chris. I was fleeing. Like I have always done. When times turn to turmoil, and the skies turn gray- I run. He set forth the truth.
The truth that is often forgotten in our fleshly ways. The truth is: that I don't realize the constant battle in the spiritual realm for my very own life. My small, and when I'm deceived, seemingly insignificant life- is not so insignificant to two others: God and Satan. One wants to exalt me into the person I am. The other, comes only to steal, kill, and destroy my life. Ultimately it's my choice. God gave us the free will to make our own decisions. However, they battle constantly for the intervention on those choices. The battle is constantly raging. Chris made it clear. I'm always one small step away from losing the battle. And I had been close. We all are. 
I encourage you to armor up for war brothers and sisters. Because one road leads to destruction and the other leads to glory. One is filled with abundant blessing, and the other with grief. Remember, there is a war being waged every second of everyday for YOU. No matter how strong a believer or how weak, we are all susceptible. Put on Christ and stay strong in everything. We fight from victory because we adhere to a victorious, powerful, loving King who conquered the cross. The cross is not just a symbol of salvation, but one of power and authority. Power and authority that reigns inside us all, because he lives within us.
And the story ends like this......
Satan will bow down to us...on his weak knees before us all, we will stare into his eyes, and watch in victory as he suffers and dies...
